The Socialist Ideal: A Testimony

The ideal of the socialist is such that when we talk, we say nothing new or offensive, ideally nothing at all, and we keep a strict tally of our syllables and decibels to ensure that there’s sufficient space for the others. 

When we work, we continue only what has already been done, never doing more than we're instructed, and we do it for free without any byproducts or useful product for that matter. 

When we travel, we do it between work and home, with as little spontaneity and style as possible, preferably by bicycle or by foot, or most ideally not at all, so as to avoid offending the planet or encountering another person, who is otherwise known as a victim. 

When we exercise or study, we do it for the benefit of everybody, not for ourselves, and when this serves us an advantage, we offset it by severing a limb, by undergoing a lobotomy, or by pretending to be no different. 

When we compete, we declare everybody a winner, but nobody wins, so we usually avoid competition altogether because it’s uneventful. 

When we save, or under-consume, we redistribute the total of it to erase the excess and start over. 

When we innovate, we remind the innovator that he has nothing to gain from his toil, that his greed is the seed of all evil. 

When we meet people, we select the first person we encounter, so as to avoid offending others who might feel excluded. This is, of course, an anomaly, as most times we just keep our heads down and go about our own business. 

When we make plans, we enter a lottery to randomize the people and the venue, but most plans are already prepared for us, and by now most places and people are identical, so it's really all the same. 

When tomorrow finally arrives, we pretend as if it were yesterday, and it mostly feels the same anyway. 

For the most part, we do as we’re scheduled and we avoid stepping outside of our lanes and leaving our rooms. 

The socialist doesn’t really enjoy change, unless it takes the form of syphoning all of the thrill, creativity and uniqueness out of life. 

After all, how could any of it justify the risk or the victims? 

It's really the least we can do. 

And we're all fine here, waiting until we achieve the palatable death.